I’m writing this after hearing of yet another announcement, so my emotions are raw and my mind is scattered.
I can’t stand the text messages to announce either your pregnancy or the babies gender. I know you don’t realize how insensitive, and sometimes rude, they can be. To you, you are just sharing the wonderful news. But for me, a woman who so desperately wants another child, and has been trying for almost 4 years with nothing to show but the memory of a miscarriage, they are painful to receive. I know you don’t mean them… at least I hope that you don’t. You just want everyone around you to be happy and to celebrate. It takes a lot for me to even respond to such announcements. Ninety percent of the time, I am screaming and crying, “How unfair! Why?! Why, God, why?!” as I respond back with “Congratulations!”. For once, I would like to send out the announcement. Just one more time.
I’m sorry that I have offered advice, or asked how you are. I’m sorry that I might seem distant, or like I am ignoring you. I have tried to be optimistic, and positive, and take part in the pregnancy banter. I have tried to be supportive, and a good friend, but you must understand the pain, the heartache, the jealousy that I hide. It might seem rude, and I’m sure I’ll get some heat for it, but I won’t be going to your baby shower. I don’t think that I could physically and mentally handle the cutesy decorations, the cake, the presents. I would hate to have a break down on such a special day, so I choose not to go.
I am also staying away from the hospital room. I’m sorry, but the smell of a new baby can drive an infertile woman absolutely insane. The tiny diapers, the tiny toes, the pictures, the flowers, the blankets, it’s all too much. I just can’t do it. I would prefer to cook you a meal and deliver it when you are at home. Then, when the baby cries, I can make an excuse to leave and still have performed my friendship duty.
I have but one wish, and that is for you to enjoy your pregnancy and to enjoy your child. Had I known that Chubbs could possibly be my only pregnancy and my only biological child, I would have enjoyed each moment so much more. I would have taken more pictures, given more kisses, cuddled a little longer. I would have announced just a bit louder, and I would have celebrated every day.
Please don’t be mad at me, just understand and respect my wishes. If I’ve been there for you in the past, I’m not leaving now… I just need time to grieve and move on by myself.
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My heart goes out to you Mandi. I can not even imagine how hard that must be for you. (((HUGS)))
.-= Nanette ~ AMomBlog´s last blog ..What would your dream kitchen look like? =-.
Mandi,
You know that I have been where you are and TOTALLY get this. The anger and frustration when you are told one week someone is trying to get pregnant and then three weeks later they are pregnant ON THE FIRST TRY while you are having major surgery and being told that your chances of conceiving are about 5% and medically there is NO WAY you can get any help, it has to happen naturally. So trust me I get 110% what you are going through…I wanted to say that before I say this:
This too shall pass. One day maybe you will be pregnant or your heart will be open to adoption and you WILL have a baby no matter HOW that baby came to you the love you will have for that child will be greater than any other love (except maybe your love for Chubbs) and you will be able to love and cuddle with that baby!
For now do what you are doing, keep trying, keep feigning interest, keep telling your friends (politely like this letter) that you are sorry you are disconnected but this is hard for you, keep staying away from baby showers (you are right that is like asking for a public scene) keep making it through ONE day at a time. Had anyone told me in October of 2006 when I was crying EVERYDAY and suffering through major surgery only to be told what I wanted more than anything would NEVER happen while my SIL announced one day she was trying and got pregnant on her FIRST try (no not making that up) that two years later to the day almost I would be picking up twins in South Korea, I would have laughed them out of the room for two million reasons. I would have laughed even harder if I had been told that I would stay home with them and not work. It may not have happened the way I planned it but I would have it no other way!
So I will stop taking over your comments and just know I am here for you both now and when you come out on the other side :) Feel free to vent to me…
Love ya!
.-= Carissa´s last blog ..{42/365} Can I sit at your table, again? =-.
I totally get how you are feeling! We worked for many years to finally get our boys thru IVF. It was a long and painful road. Now wanting just one more I don’t see it happening because of money, and I am getting older. It makes you feel a myriad of emotions, and I get so resentful. It’s not how you want yourself to be but it just hurts.
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..Is Your Toothbrush Making You Sick? =-.
I am so sorry. That does have to get frustrating. Big hugs.
.-= Brittany´s last blog ..Trying To Focus =-.
Your second to last paragraph made me teary, as I felt the same way after my last child. I didn’t know at the time that she would be my last.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. :(
.-= Creative Junkie´s last blog ..If I’m ever in charge of the survival of humanity, we are in serious trouble =-.
I too am sorry you are going thru this. I watched just this morning on TV an hour of women struggling trying to get pregnant. It is something so many take for granted.
I will pray for you that you will be sharing the same news soon, and until then for your peace and strength.
.-= Lynsey Jones´s last blog ..(Mostly) Wordless Wednesday – February 24, 2010 =-.
I have very close family members going through what you are experiencing. It was very hard for me to tell them I was pregnant. They were happy for me but where upset as well. Your friends and family will understand.
I had goosebumps reading this, although I can’t relate to you I had a friend in very similar shoes and although I didn’t want to hurt her by announcing my pregnancies, I did let her know but also did not overdue it for we had and have been friends all this time I knew the pregnancy would hurt her dearly. I knew she was happy for me and would be supportive but I just didn’t feel the need to drive her emotions, sometimes it’s hard for friends to step outside of their excitement and think that their excitement and joy may be another person (their friends) sadness. It’s okay to step back and it’s okay to feel this way, I hope your friends do understand. Sending you a big hug!
.-= Brandy´s last blog ..Overworked, Overwhelmed & Exhausted =-.
Wow, what an honest post. I give you props for your honesty. I don’t know what to say except that I have another friend in your same position.
.-= Annie´s last blog ..Ouch! UnFollow, a necessary thing? =-.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a close family member going through the same and it’s so hard. Huge hugs.
congrats
.-= Louise´s last blog ..A Simple Way to Pamper Yourself, Simple Facial Wipes #giveaway =-.
I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. I can relate, but in a totally different way. You see, I have experienced five losses all between 8 and 18 weeks into my pregnancies. So I feel for you and understand in a small way what you must be experiencing because after those losses so many emotions ran through me that is was sometimes quite overwhelming….but grief is like that….
Just know that it takes time for you to grieve and adjust so let yourself, ok?
Theresa
.-= Theresa´s last blog ..FREE Webinar on Money-Saving Organizing Tips =-.
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