I have no idea if I’ve lost anything. Last week was just bad… bad food choices, gave into cravings, gave into EMOTIONAL food cravings. I have no food journal, because I’m embarrassed at the poor choices I made this past week. I have no scale picture because I once again ate breakfast before I stepped on (or just got sidetracked trying to get things done before I sat down for work).
I have a hard time with putting my mind to something and finishing. I know that everyone has bad weeks, and I definitely just had one. I know that I shouldn’t be hard on myself, but it is so easy to think, “You’re going to be fat forever, and end up like ‘What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”s mother.” I almost bully myself into a mental state of “Don’t eat junk, don’t eat anything!”.
Back in junior high (well, as early as 5th grade), I had a hard time with food. We didn’t get along. I would go a couple of days without eating, maybe just a few saltines or oyster crackers. Then I would feel my pants getting loose, and I would work out like crazy, and somehow end up eating half a large pizza by myself. It was a crazy cycle, and I kept it really private. Right after we moved to Ohio, and I was in the 6th grade, I was skipping lunch at school because I had no friends to sit with. If I did eat, I would stop in the bathroom and make myself throw up. But I ate normally at home. It was like a social eating disorder. I would eat salads in front of friends, and at school, but at home I was downing bags of popcorn, french fries, pizzas, candy.
It is so incredibly easy for me to grab an arm full of snacks… pretzels, candy, ice cream sandwich, popcorn, and just sit down and eat it. I really let my emotions control what and when I eat, I’ve really noticed that.
Last week was tough… this week I really don’t know. Illness has passed from Hubs, to Chubbs, to me! I’m drinking a lot of water and Emergen-C, lots of crackers since I’m not sure how my stomach is (made mini bagel pizzas for the boys lastnight and had a huge wave of nausea, so I’ve avoided food).
I will try to get a scale pic this week. It is nice to have those, because in a few months I’ll be able to make a flip book that starts with a large number, and makes it way to a smaller one!
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Last week is history…your future is what you make of it…you will make it great!
Hope you are feeling better really soon!
Have you ever thought that maybe you have an eating disorder? I have one. I’m a binger…why don’t you check it out and let me know what you think.
I get what you are saying. I totally get it. Here’s my take: You have to give yourself PERMISSION to not be perfect. It ain’t gonna happen and it’s futile to think that it will. What do I mean? Weight loss and healthy living is never perfect cause we don’t live in a perfect world. When you think you have to be perfect…and aren’t….you set your self up for failure.
Keep the food journal anyway to see what you are eating. That food journal can be private and just for you if you want. Just do it anyway. Track what you are eating and look at it. Don’t look at it to make yourself feel bad, do it to gain an understanding of why you have gained weight. Keep to that journal even though it’s painful. It’s a VERY valuable tool.
Eating and then not eating does damage to your metabolism stability. If you decide to NOT eat, then your body thinks it’s starving and holds on to the fat in your body. Then you can’t handle it anymore and overeat and you gain even more because your metabolism is low. It’s a vicious cycle. But you have control over it. I know you don’t think you do, but you do.
What I would recommend is baby steps. Keep that food journal and just make a couple of changes this week that are MANAGEABLE and not overwhelming. Stick to something you KNOW you can accomplish. Not things that may trip you up and then make you feel bad. Set yourself up for success. I’m serious. All you need is a couple of successful weeks, and you will be willing and able to do more.
I love ya!
Everyone has there weeks. This is a new week chin up. Hace you thought about an accountability buddy. I have done this in the past. It helps. You have some one you can email or call or tweet anytime you feel like giving up or are beating yourself up. I would be happy to be your buddy.
Hang in there chin up and today is a new day
sarah
Hey Mandi-
I totally understand about feeling sick. I was like that this week too – still am, in fact. It really messes with your body b/c one second you are hungry, then the rest of the day you are too sick to eat.
So did you ever tell a doctor about the binging/purging you did in school? I never purged – but I definitly was a binge eater. I, like you, find it easy to eat a bunch of junk with out really thinking about it – just to fill some void. I know it’s very personal for you to share that with us. I promise to help you with that, how ever I can – how ever you need me too. I think it could be useful for you, though, to talk to someone about it – or at least write about more, maybe in a journal?
Hugs to you, and lots of love.
Hey you! I haven’t had a chance to comment yet and wanted you to know that I’m so proud of you. Proud of you for posting even though you may not be happy with last week… it is gone. for. good. You can take hold of each and everyday after and start fresh! Proud of you for continuing this journey with us. Proud of you for recognizing what needs to be done and doing it. xoxoxo
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